Statistics show that one in four women suffers domestic abuse in her lifetime, BHCare President Roberta J. Cook told about 70 people at a vigil in Huntington last week.
But Shelton resident Marie Viglione doesn’t need statistics to know about the bleak realities of domestic violence — she lived through more than a half-decade of abuse on her own.
Viglione was a victim decades ago, before groups like BHCare’s Umbrella Center for Domestic Violence Services existed to help abuse victims.
Back then domestic violence wasn’t thought of as a systemic societal problem like it is now.
Viglione said her former husband attacked her when she was pregnant, and once used a knife to cut her leg when she was standing at the sink washing dishes.
“He also tried to throw me down the stairs,” Viglione said.
The abuse wasn’t just physical, she said. Her husband exerted his control other ways, like by not giving her money to buy food.
“We didn’t have any services like this 40 years ago,” she said, referring to The Umbrella. “My family wouldn’t help me. I had to stay there and take his abuse.”
The couple was married about six years.
She later met her second husband, Frank Viglione, who she described as “a wonderful man” with whom she enjoyed 22 years of marriage before his death in Florida.
Viglione’s story is not a unique one, according to those who spoke at the solemn vigil inside the Huntington Congregational Church to remember victims and honor survivors of domestic abuse.
More than 70 people filled the hall of Huntington Congregational Church for the vigil Oct. 1. Organizers had planned a candlelight vigil on the Huntington Green but rain moved the event inside, where candles could not be used.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
The Umbrella Center for Domestic Violence Services, a program of BHcare, serves 19 towns in the Valley, Greater New Haven, and the Shoreline.
Susan DeLeon, director of The Umbrella program, said domestic violence is “one of the most underreported crimes,” and the vigil raises awareness of how prevalent it is in society.
She said in 2013 The Umbrella served 6,500 domestic violence victims.
Msgr. Robert Weiss of St. Rose of Lima Catholic Church in Newtown read a list of names of Connecticut residents who died in 2013 because of domestic violence. The victims included several infants and toddlers, he said.
Keynote speaker Paul A. Garlinghouse, a lawyer, said as a former social worker he had worked at a rape crisis center in Texas.
The first job he landed when he got out of law school was with the Greater Danbury Womens’ Center, working with domestic violence victims.
“The program was important because it recognized both men and women could be victims of domestic violence, and agents of change,” he said.
Garlinghouse said since the 1970s “the statistics have gone down, but it’s not enough. The goal is to completely eliminate domestic violence from society.”
Hand-decorated T‑shirts describing thoughts and feelings of domestic violence victims helped by The Umbrella staff were hung on clotheslines around the perimeter of the church hall.
The Clothesline Project was started in 1990 by a group of women in Massachusetts who wanted to raise awareness of domestic violence. The project is now in 41 states and many countries around the world.
One of the T‑shirts reads: “I fight like a girl who refuses to be a victim. It will be hard, but once you get out you can live your life freely and get back the control that was taken away from you.”
Another says: “The physical abuse leaves bruises and scars that will heal quickly … BUT the verbal and emotional abuse leaves scars that take forever to heal …” signed by a “survivor of DV.”
Two women told their stories of abuse and survival, and the brother-sister team of Joel and Helen Herrle of Westbrook performed “Ghosts That We Knew, “ a song by Mumford & Sons about survival and hope.
The Umbrella staff recognized several officers from the Ansonia and Shelton Police Departments for their help during the past year in domestic violence situations.
The officers were:
- Officer John Napoleone – Shelton Police Department
- Officer Michael McPadden – Shelton Police Department
- Officer Mark Guillet – Ansonia Police Department
- Officer Kevin Coonan – Ansonia Police Department
- Officer Nathan Anderson – Ansonia Police Department
- Sgt. Jenifer Guisto – Ansonia Police Department
Shelton Mayor Mark Lauretti said society owes “a debt of gratitude to the people who work in the field of domestic violence services” as well as to the survivors who have the courage to tell their stories.
