How To Effectively Cope with Stress
Stress is an inherent part of our daily life. Positive stress is good for our psyche and propels us forward as we overcome life’s daily challenges. However, with the holiday season upon us, families may encounter greater moments of negative stress just because we have such a lot to accomplish in such little time.
Although most adults have learned coping skills on how to handle stress, children still need to learn how to properly adjust. Most stressors for young children threaten security and make them feel uncomfortable.
“Our job as parents and caregivers is not to shield children from stress but instead to teach them how to best cope with it and persevere despite it,” said Cynthia Rzasa Bess, Ph.D.
Bess, a developmental psychologist and educational consultant, recently spoke in Shelton at a free workshop offered by the Valley Family Resource Center and TEAM, Inc. about “Controlling Stress.”
The Shelton School Readiness Council provides this monthly educational column as a public service. We have outlined the typical stressors experienced by young children and ways parents and caregivers can maximize healthy, productive outcomes. Here are a few ideas to get your family started and make sure those “First Years Last Forever.”
Be a nurturing adult. Foster a sense of independence and self-sufficiency in your child. A child who has a high sense of self-esteem typically does not experience as many illnesses, pains and crying episodes as a child with low self-esteem.
Speak directly to your child. Be very clear about what you say to your child in conversation. A young child will fill in the blanks if you do not tell him or her the whole story. Open and honest communication can offset stress.
Stay calm. Whether you realize it or not, your child observes your behavior and models your reactions. Try to stay calm in stressful situations and remember to take a couple of deep breathes before overreacting to external stimuli.
Plan fun after school activities. Your child may have trouble sitting still in school for several hours. Make sure your child has some free time to play after school. Running around outside is both mentally and physically stimulating plus beneficial to your health!
Do not over schedule your child. When a child’s life is over structured, you do not allow your child any downtime. For example, a 3‑year-old should only have three activities, which means home, school and one extra activity. As a child grows older, the general rule of thumb is to have the same number of activities as a child’s age minus one By age 7, a child can have as many as six activities but a team sport counts as two activities as does school.
Recognize your child’s age by months. Big adjustments are evident at each stage of a child’s early years, especially during the first five years. Take the time to recognize your child’s needs and vulnerabilities by months and not years. There is a huge developmental difference between a 12-month-old and an 18-month-old.
Do not over praise your child. It is fine to tell your child they did a good job to bolster confidence. However, it is inappropriate to tell your child he or she is the greatest because it sets unrealistic expectations. Eventually, someone will tell your child the truth and your well-intentioned praise will backfire.
Take time for daily family conversations. Instead of starting a daily dialogue with your child at bedtime, invite your child to sit and talk on the couch during the day or early evening. An intense nighttime conversation will not give your child time to decompress and relax. Reading a book eases the transition from playtime to bedtime for most children.
Allay monster fears. Spritz your child’s room, pillows and covers with “monster spray.” This recipe for bedtime success is a blend of warm water mixed with either vanilla, lemon or almond extract. The scent of safety will stay in the room all night long and will serve as a reminder to your child that it is fine to fall asleep.
Enjoy holiday traditions as a family. Your child looks forward to familiar routines, so make sure the holiday season includes some family rituals such as baking cookies, visiting the grandparents or even singing carols. Remember, you are in control of your life, stress is not!
For more information about the Shelton School Readiness Council, please call Elspeth Lydon, Chair of the Council, at (203) 924‑1580 or Cara Mocarski, Shelton School Readiness Coordinator, at (203) 929‑1430.
