Don’t Worry Shelton, Mike Wood Isn’t Dead Nor Dying, He Just Needed A Nifty Cover For His Book

Mike Wood, a Shelton resident, contributing Shelton Herald columnist and area school teacher, just published his second book, “Mourning Wood: The Pre-Posthumously Early Work of Mike Wood.”

Click here for an explanation of the title.

Click here to buy the book.

Wood will be appearing at Plumb Memorial Library Wednesday (March 13) from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. to officially launch the kickoff of the drop date, which is Wednesday.

Wood participated in an e-mailed Q&A with the Valley Indy.

Yeah, it got weird.

Valley Indy: You’ve written a book that has something to do with pornography. Can you tell us how Ron Jeremy is doing and have you talked to him since his heart aneurysm?

Mike Wood: The only thing my book has to do with pornography is that some of the stories run a little longer than you might need them to. As for Mr. Jeremy’s cardiac problems, the last time I saw him, he had a heart on, so I assume all is well.”

Valley Indy: There’s a photo on the back cover of your book. You’re in a coffin springing up, showing us you’re not really dead. People are laughing or at least looking interested. Except the guy in the plaid shirt. What’s his problem?

Wood: That would be Shelton resident and Dunkin’ Donuts proprietor, Jeff Dymerski. His problem is no one told him I wasn’t really dead, and he was mad that he wore his good plaid shirt” for nothing.”

Valley Indy: You once got into trouble for a column in the Huntington Herald asking why Huntington residents were so (multiple expletives deleted)? Do you regret saying that?

Wood: Seeing as how the paper changed its name to the Shelton Herald soon after that column ran, I think some people owe me an apology.”

Valley Indy: Who’s the mayor of Huntington and what’s their form of government?

Wood: Our de facto mayor is the Tai Chi Guy on the Green. Best I can tell, his favorite form is Step Back and Repulse the Monkey.”

Valley Indy: You’re last book took place in 1984. Do you think short shorts AND white tube socks for men will ever make a comeback? Keep in mind we’re not asking if just short shorts will come back. We know that will happen. We’re asking about the combo.”

Wood: I’m confused. How can something make a comeback when it’s never gone out of style?”

Valley Indy: Shelton is named after Edward N. Shelton — but he moved to Derby when he was 24 years old. Why?

Wood: Why did he move to Derby? Or why is Shelton named after him? Either way, the answer is drugs.”

Valley Indy: How many of the short stories in this book are about Shelton?

Wood: None. Why would I write a story about Edward N. Shelton? Oh, you mean the city. In that case, the answer is one. Make that one and a half, as another takes place in Monroe, which is pretty much the same thing.”

Valley Indy: Man, this winter has been crazy.

Wood: Perfect weather for reading the collected works of a local legend, I say!”

Valley Indy: At your fake wake for your book’s cover, did you have The Body of an American” playing?

Wood: No, but I WAS playing the body of an American!”

Valley Indy: Favorite season of The Wire?”

Wood: Spring.”

Valley Indy: The answer is season four.

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