Don’t avoid talking about the tragedy in Newtown with little ones, especially if they raise the subject themselves, an education consultant told a gathering of parents and teachers Tuesday.
TEAM, Inc. and the Valley Community Foundation sponsored “Attacks & Children – Information for Parents, Caregivers, & Educators” at TEAM’s Family Resource Center Howard Avenue in Ansonia.
Dr. Cindy Rzasa Bess, an education consultant from Norwalk who specializes in the toddler-to-kindergarten age group, advised early childhood educators and parents of little children not to avoid talking about the murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
She also said adults should pay close attention to how they look when they’re around children, because outward expressions of fear or sadness could negatively affect the kids.
“Children need to work it through, just like you do,” Bess said.
Bess said when television stations replay coverage of a news event over and over again, young children don’t realize it’s the same event each time. They think it is happening again and again, which can heighten their fears.
“Hug them, hold them and give them a sense of security,” she said.
Talking about it calmly and sensitively with them will help them process their feelings, and it will probably help the adult, too, she said.
Although parents and teachers shouldn’t shy away from talking about the tragedy, Bess cautioned against telling children too much. She advised answering their specific questions and leaving it at that.
It is also important to find out what children already have heard. Bess said children get bits and pieces of news and try to construct a narrative out of it.
It is important to reassure them that they are safe.
Don’t leave the television news coverage on all day.If a child asks about death, she advised to tell them everyone will die someday, but that no one near them is about to die soon and leave them alone.
Tell them it is natural to be afraid, sad or angry.
Re-establish your child’s routines and keep your parenting rules in place. Bess said children need structure in their lives because it reassures them that things are still normal for them.
Bess said to really make a difference, sit down and draw with your child, because drawing and art helps young children process their feelings.
And during the holidays, she advises people to go out in the community and find someone who needs help, because helping someone relieves the sense of powerlessness and distress that a person naturally gets from the news of something like the shooting in Newtown.
“Stay involved and look for ways to make things better for your children,” she said.
The talk was quickly arranged over the weekend by TEAM Vice-President David Morgan after he realized the magnitude of the tragedy in Newtown.
On Monday, he received a call from Valley Community Foundation President James Cohen, who offered him $500 to defray expenses for the event.
