Valley Gathers In Shelton To Remember "Love Shouldn't Hurt" And That Help Is Available

SHELTON – Every nine seconds, a woman is abused in the U.S., and one in four women and one in seven men are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives.

Those statistics from BHcare’s The Umbrella Center for Domestic Violence were shared with the 50 people who gathered for a candlelight vigil Tuesday (Oct. 8) to honor survivors and victims.

The annual event took place at Veteran’s Park in Shelton. Some 75 white t‑shirts, featuring painted-on messages of hope and survival, were strung between trees that lined the walkway leading into the park’s pavilion. 

The shirts were created by survivors who used BHcare and other services over the years. Several attendees of the ceremony wiped away tears as they read the messages penned by the youngest survivors, including one that read ​“Love Doesn’t Hurt.”

The hour-long program was put together by BHcare and the Hope Family Justice Center of New Haven. Several speakers, including a survivor, delivered messages of hope.

Every October, the nation observes Domestic Violence Awareness Month to bring light to an issue that affects all communities.

Adanna Springer, a survivor, shared her story of living with violence at the hands of an abusive husband.

“I spent most of my 20s in a very abusive relationship, and at that age, being exposed to domestic violence, and not being from this country, I didn’t know what to do, or where to turn,” Springer said. ​“It made me feel worthless, I doubted myself every day. Sometimes I wondered, ​‘Did I do something to cause this?’ I thought if I was a better wife, then this would definitely stop. That’s the process a victim goes through. And the answer is nothing, you did nothing wrong to deserve this. Hurt people hurt people.”

Springer managed to seek help and escape the abusive relationship. She encouraged others who are in the same place she once was to do the same.

“We have to remove the stigma and the shame, because there’s nothing you can do to deserve violence in your relationship,” she said. ​“Love doesn’t hurt. We need to educate ourselves because education is truly the power to erase this.”

Geralyn O’Neil-Wild, chief operating officer of CT Coalition Against Domestic Violence, served as guest speaker of the event.

“We believe that domestic violence is a preventable public health crisis,” she said. ​“Leaving is not an easy decision and far too often it can be devastating. We have to do more. I ask you to join us and raise awareness to educate the people you know around you about the resources and supports that are available, to talk openly about domestic violence without shame, to actively listen and encourage loved ones and friends to seek help without the fear of being judged. We want to acknowledge the strength and courage it takes for a survivor to step forward and to ask for help.”

The Umbrella provides services for victims and children of domestic violence, including walk-in crisis services, 24-hour hotline, emergency safe houses, crisis intervention, counseling, support groups and court advocacy, free of charge.

Esperina Stubblefield, BHcare’s director of domestic violence services, acknowledged the role police officers play in helping men, women and children escape violent situations. Local police are literally the first line of defense when a person needs help.

Two Valley officers, Ansonia officer Jenny Ribeiro and Derby officer Joshua Cash, were recognized during the ceremony for their roles in the struggle.

As the names of 26 people who lost their lives to domestic violence in Connecticut over the last year were read aloud, the attendees held tight to small candles to serve as a ​“beacon of hope” to not give up the fight to end the violence. 

The Valley has seen too many domestic violence cases that ended with death. The list below is in no way exhaustive.

• Miguelina Lebron, 45, of Ansonia, was murdered by her ex-husband in her Ansonia home in September. Two of her children were in the house.

• Grace Zielinska, of Ansonia, was murdered in her home by her husband in 2021, police said. Their children were present.

• Rosali Acquefreda, 20, of Derby, was murdered by an ex-boyfriend in 2020 as she embarked on a new relationship and a new life, her family said. 

• In 2019, police said Christine Holloway, of Ansonia, was murdered by Jose Morales, the father of her toddler, Vanessa Morales, who has not been seen since. The case is pending in court and a reward is still available for information that leads to Vanessa’s recovery.

• Lori Jackson, a mother of two, was murdered in Oxford by her estranged husband in 2014. Lori’s mother, Merry Jackson, who was shot four times in the attack, became an advocate calling for better policies to protect and help victims of domestic violence. State lawmakers later passed a law allowing guns to be taken away in cases where temporary restraining orders had been placed.

Since 2017 the number of domestic violence cases locally rises and falls on a year-to-year basis.

Ansonia Police Lt. Patrick Lynch said his department has responded to 132 domestic incidents so far this year and made 129 arrests. Lynch said 21 of those arrests were old cases from previous years. In 2023, Lynch said police responded to 195 domestic incidents and made 201 arrests. He said 33 of those arrests were from cases that happened prior to 2023.

“While the numbers were too high last year, we did have a significant decrease, and it was our lowest number in the last five years,” Lynch said. ​“So we are hoping we can keep a downward trend moving forward.”

Seymour Police Chief John Bucherati said his department responded to 102 domestic related calls this year. He said 56 of those incidents resulted in arrests.

Derby Deputy Police Chief Brian Grogan said Derby police made 81 family violence arrests in 2023.

Melissa Simoni, the Umbrella’s development coordinator, said 916 Valley residents used the Umbrella’s services over the last year. She said nearly 6,000 victims from area towns walk through the Umbrella’s doors each year seeking help.

O’Neil-Wild encouraged anyone in need of help to reach out to the Umbrella at 203 – 736‑9944, 203 – 789‑8104 or 1 – 888-774‑2900. Statewide domestic violence assistance can be found at www.CTSafeConnect.org or call/text (888)774‑2900.