State Sen. Rob Kane is tall and trim.
His eyes are as big and as his smile is wide.
If I was the casting director for “House of Cards,” I’d hire him as “young politician from New England.” He’s got that look. Here he his next to the U.S. flag.
But, I’m telling you, the man can’t eat tacos to save his life.
Kane, a Republican, “ate” four tacos in 5 minutes during a taco-eating contest at Hot Tamales in Route 67 in Seymour Monday to raise money for Team Inc.‘s Meals-on-Wheels program.
By “ate,” I mean nibbled.
For the record, I’m a fat man who frequently visits a cardiologist, so I’m obviously an expert on bad eating. I’ve eaten four tacos while brushing my teeth before church on a Sunday morning.
Kane — after taking two big bites on taco no. 1 — approached those tacos Monday like a seventh-grader getting ready to dissect a fetal pig. I can’t prove it, but I think he was fantasizing about Pilate’s class when he reached for the third taco.
He threw in not one, but two white “flags” at the end of the contest, which was won handily by a guy in dark sunglasses introduced to the 100-plus people in attendance only as “Yo Joe.”
The three reporters got “Yo Joe’s” real name at the end of the contest, but I’m sticking with “Yo Joe” out of respect.
If there’s any young people out there, I want you to click play on the video at the top of this page, watch “Yo Joe” and take notes on how to win a taco-eating contest on Cinco de Mayo.
The event, held outside the jam-packed Hot Tamales, raised some $1,000 for Meals-on-Wheels, a program that gets food to home-bound seniors. Click here to learn about the program.
Meals-on-Wheels helped about 360 senior citizens in the lower Valley last year.
Afterward, Kane looked avocado green.
“That was hard,” Kane said. “They were delicious, don’t get me wrong, but that was hard to do.”
Sitting next to Kane was First Selectman Kurt Miller. Miller’s a beefier guy than Kane. Miller, like Kane, wore a Seymour football jersey. But Miller rolled up his sleeves a bit to give everyone two tickets to the gun show.
Yet Miller only managed to eat five tacos in five minutes, narrowly defeating Kane, his taco-eating contest arch rival.
Afterward, Miller raised questions about the final tally.
“Listen, there were two at the plate mostly eaten that they didn’t count,” he said. “I beat Rob Kane, that’s all I care about.”
Miller then rushed away to a local government meeting, where I assume he urged the finance board to slash funding to the school district’s taco budget.
Monday’s event was organized by Kenny Kuntz, an operations manager with Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Southwestern Connecticut. He served as emcee of the event. Hot Tamales owner Bert Volpacchio even had a taco trophy made to award the winner.
